River Sitting
by Sue Penkivech
Summary: Jayne's stuck in the ship watching River, post Ariel. 'Nuff said.


I don't own Firefly, Serenity, or any of the characters, but would like to thank Whedon and Fox for letting me borrow them! This one's for Kat!

**River-Sitting**

"What the (mumble) was Mal thinkin', leavin' me here minding you anyways?" Jayne muttered to himself as he tried to wedge his body into one of Serenity's ventilation shafts. Captain'd gone space crazy, probably – next thing they knew, Mal would be coming at them with a gun that put his Vera to shame. Probably sticking needles in his face and slicing bits off himself, too. It made Jayne feel sorta squeamish just thinking about it.

'Course, he'd always sorta wondered if Mal might not be missing some of those bits to begin with, the way he ran things. But that didn't make the thought any shinier. Damn Reavers made his skin crawl.

Sorta like the girl he was holding responsible for the fact he was trying to squeeze into a ventilation shaft he wasn't all too sure he was gonna be able to get back out of.

"You can't find me, I'm invisible," the doc's crazy sister sing-songed out from wherever it was she'd hidden herself.

Jayne cursed again under his breath and pulled back out of the tube, then reluctantly began stripping off his weapons. Felt naked without them, but he wasn't gonna be able to pull a gun inside the shaft anyway. "I can still hear you well enough," he called back.

"That's because sound travels at a different frequency than light," she retorted, as if that explained it all. Probably to her it did. Wasn't like he had the schooling to make sense of what she was talking about even when she was making sense, which he figured wasn't all that often so he wasn't concerned about it. If she was talking, though, there was at least a chance of him tracking her down, which'd keep her idiot brother from doing…well, whatever the hell the doc could figure out to do in revenge for someone losing his nutcase of a sister. He didn't figure Simon was much of a threat, but he wasn't forgetting that time the doc'd stuck him with a needle full of something that made him sleep, either.

Nor was he forgetting all the crap Simon'd pulled off in the hospital. Whatever else he could say about Simon (and he'd said plenty, and would again – the guy rubbed him the wrong way), as a doc he knew his stuff. Wasn't a half bad planner, either – the gig had gone off without a hitch. Or would've, if Jayne hadn't provided one of his own.

Which probably had a lot to do with why he'd agreed to watch the crazy girl while the others went planet-side. Jayne still wasn't feeling comfortable about how that whole situation had played out, and convincing himself that it was just because the Alliance hadn't kept their end of the deal wasn't going as smooth as it should've. Hell, he'd given Kaylee part of his share of the take to buy apples. If that didn't prove just how fucked up his head was, he didn't know what would.

"Give up?" the girl called back cheerfully, sounding as if it were all some sort of game. Maybe to her it was – who knew what went on in her head, other than that it made no sort of sense to anyone but her?

"Hell no," he replied, pausing one last second before shucking off his jacket as well. Wasn't like he was in any sort of hurry to get his ass stuck in there, and if she was talking, it wasn't likely she was gonna short out the engines or anything. He hoped. "Game's just getting started."

"It's only a game until you shoot out your eye," she retorted cryptically.

'Least for once she'd said something that made some sort of sense. "Who said anything about shooting?" he tossed back as he stuck his head back into the shaft. Wasn't like he had any plans of shooting her, anyway. Tossing her out the airlock once they were airborne for this, maybe, but not shooting. Mal'd make him clean up the damn mess for sure.

There was no immediate reply, and he took advantage of the break to stuff his shoulders and torso into the shaft. Shoulda brought a light, probably – the only illumination inside was coming in from the vents that let the air out into the rest of the ship. But it wasn't like he was likely to run into anything other than River, so Jayne crawled in the rest of the way and began inching himself through the duct in the direction he'd last heard her voice.

"You know that I know what you know," the girl deadpanned from somewhere not far distant.

Jayne paused, forehead furrowing as a shiver went down his spine. That…he wasn't sure if that made sense or not, but either way it creeped him out. Girl knew entirely too much, and he wasn't all that sure the mob back on Jiangyin hadn't had the right idea about her being a witch. 'Course, he wasn't gonna tie her to a post and light her on fire, but he had to admit it was sort of tempting sometimes. Her voice was closer, though, and Jayne was almost certain he could hear her rustling up ahead. Maybe just around the bend?

He turned the corner to find that one of the screens had been removed from the duct and tossed aside.

"Crazy little…" he began as he stuck his head through the opening, then broke off as he realized the crazy girl was standing in front of him.

Holding his gun, with the safety off and the barrel pointed at his face.

"Game's over," she explained, as casually as if it were all just a game of hide and seek and there wasn't a gun pointed between his eyes. "You lose."

"Now, hold it right there," he began, debating whether his best survival option involved trying to get out and get the gun from her or ducking back into the vent. Neither sounded as if it were real likely to result in him still being alive, though. "We can talk about this, right? Without the gun?" Not his style, maybe, but it sounded like something the Doc would say, and he had the best luck calming her down went she was raving.

'Cept she didn't seem to be raving just now.

"You talked," she replied. "You called them, out of the dark, and they came."

Jayne blinked, his mouth opening and then reclosing. For the first time, he knew exactly what the girl was talking about, though how she knew… Mal knew, yeah, but he wouldn't have said nothing. 'Least Jayne didn't think he would…

"Yeah. I called them," he admitted, flinching a little as River tilted her head and seemed to study his face. Wasn't like he could deny it anyway, and he didn't see much point. Damned if he'd ever thought he was gonna die half in and half out of a ventilation shaft, and it didn't much seem fair payment for trying to cash in on her after she'd knifed him, but what the hell. Lying about it wasn't going to change any of that.

Whatever River found in his face seemed to satisfy her, and she stepped back and crouched down to lay the gun down on the deck plate.

"You shouldn't leave weapons lying around," she said casually as she straightened back up and turned, then began walking away as if she hadn't just been pointing a gun at his head. "Someone could get hurt.

"Yeah. I'll keep that in mind," he stammered, his voice shaky as he clawed his way out of the shaft, watching her retreating back as she headed off toward her room.

"I want an apple when they come," she tossed back without looking.

Jayne shook his head and crouched down to pick up his gun. "Crazy as a Reaver," he muttered. But maybe, just maybe, not quite as creepy. And he might've just possibly had that one coming.

"I'll send one up."


End file.
